Saturday, December 29, 2012

Music, Singing, Dance, Alcohol... brings Earthquakes

 Prophet [saw] is reported to have said: "My followers will also face incidents of sinking in the ground, disfigurement and the raining of heavy stones from the skies. One other companions asked when these incidents would manifest. To this Rasullullah Sallallahu alayhi wasallam replied "When the evils of singing, dancing, music and drinking liquor will be common.
 [Tirmidhi Shareef]

Children misbehaving with their parents is a SIGN OF THE END TIMES!

When the Prophet (s.a.w.) was asked about the signs of the coming of Judgment, he said “The slave-girl will give birth to her mistress..."
(Sahih Muslim)

The scholars have stated that this means there will be widespread disobedience among children, so that a child will treat his mother as a master treats his slave woman, with negligence and insults.

May Allah protect us from misbehaving with our parents & may He bless us with righteous children. Aameen.

Sowing the Seeds (Great Lecture by Sheikh Hamza Yusuf)

Everything but God has a beginning and an end. Your pain had a beginning. And it will have an end.



“Know that if people admire you, they are actually admiring at how beautifully Allah has hid your faults and shortcomings.”


Monday, December 24, 2012

Is Marriage obligatory or only recommended?




The ruling on marriage differs according to the situations and circumstances. Marriage is obligatory on the man who is able to marry and longs to get married, and fears “hardship” otherwise, because it is obligatory for him to protect himself from doing haraam deeds (looking at the opposite sex with desire, touching, masturbation, zinaa etc.) and to keep himself chaste – and this can only be achieved through marriage.

To summarize what the fuqaha have mentioned, we can divide the ruling on marrying into six categories:

1) Obligatory (fardh): This is when an individual has an overwhelming level of sexual desire in a way that he/she is CERTAIN of committing fornication (zina), and there is nothing besides marriage to prevent him/her, provided one (the male) has the financial means to marry, and that one does not fear being unjust or oppressive to the spouse.

2) Necessary (wajib): This is when an individual has an overwhelming level of sexual desire in a way that one FEARS committing fornication, or one cannot prevent himself from looking at the unlawful or from masturbation, provided one has the financial means to marry, and that one does not fear being unjust or oppressive to the spouse.

3) Emphasized and confirmed Sunnah (sunnah al-Mu'akkadah). This is for an individual who is in a MODERATE state, in that the sexual desire is not overwhelming as in the above two categories, and one is capable of having sexual intercourse, paying the dowry (mahr) and maintaining a wife. Also, one does not fear being unjust to the spouse and being neglectful of other obligatory acts.

4) Prohibitively disliked (makruh tahriman): This is for an individual who FEARS being unjust or oppressive to the spouse, even if there is an overwhelming level of sexual desire, for the rights of servants are given precedence over the right of Allah.

5) Unlawful (haram): This is when one is CERTAIN of being unjust or oppressive to the spouse, even if there is an overwhelming level of sexual desire.

6) Permissible (mubah): Imam Ibn Abidin (Allah have mercy on him) adds this category quoting from Bahr al-Ra'iq. This is when one's desire is not overwhelming; neither does one fear being unjust to the spouse. However, one marries solely to fulfil one's needs and does not have an intention of implementing the Sunnah, for the reward of Sunnah will only be gained when one has the intention of following it or being chaste. If one marries with the intention of saving one's self from sinning, it will be regarded as an act of Ibadah.

(Shaykh Muhammad ibn Adam al-Kawthari)

If he wants to get married but is unable to spend on a wife, then he should adhere to the words of Allaah:

“And let those who find not the financial means for marriage keep themselves chaste, until Allâh enriches them of His Bounty” [al-Noor 24:33]

So he should fast a lot, because of the hadeeth narrated from Ibn Mas’ood who said that the Messenger of Allaah (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “O young people, whoever among you can afford to get married, let him do so, for it helps one to lower the gaze and protect the private parts (i.e., remain chaste). Whoever cannot afford it, let him fast, for it is a protection for him.” (Bukhari)

Islam on slave girls/concubines

It is true that a lot of people push this subject ‘under the rug’ and do not understand it or are sometimes ashamed of this concept. That is because, today’s society and behavior is absolutely different from the conditions prevalent 1500 years ago at the time of Revelation of the Quran. There is no place on earth where this concept is practiced today, thus to really understand the concept in its entirety, we must try to imagine the times of the Revelation of the Glorious Quran. 


Since time immemorial, slavery was an accepted practice; thus it was not Islam that started this practice, but rather Islam was the first system to inculcate the freedom of slaves and take steps to make them equal citizens of society. Slavery was abolished in modern society only a couple of centuries ago, and was openly practiced in almost all parts of the civilized world even until the early 1900s. But Islam made it a virtue to free slaves, and inculcate them into society as equal citizens, almost 1500 years ago

The prophet said regarding the rights of slaves:

Your servants and your slaves are your brothers. Anyone who has slaves should give them from what he eats and wears. He should not charge them with work beyond their capabilities. If you must set them to hard work, in any case I advise you to help them.

Source: Bukhari, Iman, 22; Adab, 44; Muslim, Iman, 38–40; Abu Dawud, Adab, 124

Ali reported that the last words of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, were: "The prayer! The prayer! Fear Allah concerning your slaves ! "

Source: Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari , Nr. 158.

· Jabir ibn 'Abdullah said, "The Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, advised that slaves should be well-treated. He said, 'Feed them from what you eat and clothe them from what you wear. Do not punish what Allah has created.' "

Source: Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari , Nr. 188.

· Sallam ibn 'Amr reported from one of the Companions of the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "Your slaves are your brothers, so treat him well. Ask for their help in what is too much for you and help them in what is too much for them."

Source: Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari , Nr. 190.

· Abu Hurayra reported that the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, "The slave has his food and clothing. Do not burden a slave with work which he is incapable of doing."

Source: Al-Adab al-Mufrad Al-Bukhari , Nr. 192.

Not one of you should [ when introducing someone ] say ‘This is my slave’ , ‘This is my concubine’. He should call them ‘my daughter’ or ‘my son’ or ‘my brother’.

Source: Ibn Hanbal, Musnad, 2 ,4

For this reason ‘Umar and his servant took it in turns to ride on the camel from Madina to Jerusalem on their journey to take control of Masjid al-Aqsa. While he was the head of the state, ‘Uthman had his servant pull his own ears in front of the people since he had pulled his. Abu Dharr, applying the hadith literally, made his servant wear one half of his suit while he himself wore the other half. From these instances, it was being demonstrated to succeeding generations of Muslims, and a pattern of conduct established, that a slave is fully a human being, not different from other people in his need for respect and dignity and justice.

"The masters were obliged not to put slaves under hardship; slaves were not to be tortured, abused or treated unjustly. They could marry among “themselves with their master's permission - or with free men or women ! They could appear as witnesses and participate with free men in all “affairs. Many of them were appointed as governors, commanders of army and administrators. In the eyes of Islam, a pious slave has precedence over “an impious free man." Source: Al-Tabataba'i, Tafsir ( vol.16, pp. 338-358 )

The Prophet, had stipulated in his "last pilgrimage" speech:

"And your slaves ! see that you feed them such food as you eat yourselves and dress them what you yourself wear. And if they commit a “mistake which you are not inclined to forgive then sell them, for they are the servants of Allah and are not to be tormented! "

Source: Ibn Sa'd, op. cit., vol. II:1, p. 133

"Serve God, and join not any partners with Him ; and do good to parents, kinsfolk, orphans, those in need, neighbours who are near, neighbours “who are strangers, the Companion by your side, the way-farer (ye meet), And what your right hands possess : for God loveth not the arrogant, the “vainglorious" Surah An Nisa, verse 36

The phrase "What your right hands possess" refers to one’s slaves (male and female). Allah swt ordains the kind treatment of slaves in the same verse where He commands man to worship Him and to treat his parents, relations and neighbours generously, and this signifies the importance of this ruling.

What were the rights of concubines?

The status was similar to that of wife. The children were exactly like the other children from the person’s legally wedded wife. They were to be given exactly the same rights as his other children. The children of the slave girl would inherit the property exactly as the other children. There was absolutely no difference amongst the children. And once any slave girl bore a child, she could not be sold to anybody else and thus became a permanent member of the household. 

Then you will probably ask how is this any different from the modern days concept of a mistress/prostitution/adultery? 

There is a huge difference between the slave girls of those times and the system of prostitution which is so prevalent as a disease in today’s society. 

The slave girl was a social issue of the times, which if not solved by Islam would give rise to adultery and prostitution. In prostitution, the woman sells here services for a fee to anyone who is willing to pay. The slave girl was taken into a household as a full member.

In prostitution, the woman has sexual relationships with many men. The slave girl would have sexual relations only with the person she was given to; very similar to the husband-wife relationship, the only difference being that the wife came into the house through a marriage contract, and the slave girl was allotted to the person by the state. 

Prostitution is a result of illegal lust, and is a huge sin in the eyes of Allah. 

The allocation of slave girls was a issue of the times to envelope the woman taken as slaves in a war into the Islamic society. Prostitution and adultery do not have any responsibility attached to it. The man- woman have a one-off relationship and depart. The slave girls were a responsibility of the person, who spent on them, gave them a place to live, fed them, clothed them, and raised their children as his children.

The children from adultery and prostitution are regarded as born out of wedlock and grow up without the name and without the shadow of a father. The children of the slave girls were known as the children of the person, grew up with his other children, and had exactly the same rights and inheritance as the other offspring. The system of slave girls was accepted and respected by the Islamic society of the times. The slave girl was treated like his wife, and the children from these slave girls were treated like their children by society. No religion, no state, no moral society accepts and respects the institutions of prostitution and adultery. This is a disease of society and every moral society has tried to eradicate this disease with little success. 

Despite this, it was not simply a case of forcing someone into having sex to satisfy your desires.

Below are three English translations to the Verse where Allah commands the Muslim men to not force their slave women into sex.

The following translations were taken from http://mama.stg.brown.edu/webs/quran_browser/pqeasy.shtml

Translation: Yusufali:

"Let those who find not the wherewithal for marriage keep themselves chaste, until God gives them means out of His grace. And if any of your slaves ask for a deed in writing (to enable them to earn their freedom for a certain sum), give them such a deed if ye know any good in them: yea, give them something yourselves out of the means which God has given to you. But force not your maids to prostitution when they desire chastity, in order that ye may make a gain in the goods of this life. But if anyone compels them, yet, after such compulsion, is God, Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful (to them), (The Noble Quran, 24:33)"

Translation: Pickthall:

"And let those who cannot find a match keep chaste till Allah give them independence by His grace. And such of your slaves as seek a writing (of emancipation), write it for them if ye are aware of aught of good in them, and bestow upon them of the wealth of Allah which He hath bestowed upon you. Force not your slave-girls to whoredom that ye may seek enjoyment of the life of the world, if they would preserve their chastity. And if one force them, then (unto them), after their compulsion, lo! Allah will be Forgiving, Merciful. (The Noble Quran, 24:33)"

Translation: Shakir:

"And let those who do not find the means to marry keep chaste until Allah makes them free from want out of His grace. And (as for) those who ask for a writing from among those whom your right hands possess, give them the writing if you know any good in them, and give them of the wealth of Allah which He has given you; and do not compel your slave girls to prostitution, when they desire to keep chaste, in order to seek the frail good of this world's life; and whoever compels them, then surely after their compulsion Allah is Forgiving, Merciful. (The Noble Quran, 24:33)"

In all three translations, we clearly see that if the slave woman desires to keep chaste, then her Muslim master must not compel her into sex. It might sound odd to us today, but pagans back then were used to having sex with and raping their slave girls, even the ones who were married:

Narrated Jabir ibn Abdullah: "Musaykah, a slave-girl of some Ansari, came and said: My master forces me to commit fornication. Thereupon the following verse was revealed: "But force not your maids to prostitution (when they desire chastity). (24:33)" (Translation of Sunan Abu Dawud, Divorce (Kitab Al-Talaq), Book 12, Number 2304)"

So to women back then, it was something normal for a married slave woman to sleep with her master. It was something normal in the society at that time.

Allah Almighty in the Noble Quran not only allows for the slave man or woman to earn their freedom from their Muslim master, and receive money from their Muslim master to help them start their free life, but also commands the Muslim men to not compel their slave women into sex.
Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him also said:

Narrated Abu Musa Al-Ash'ari: "The Prophet said, "Give food to the hungry, pay a visit to the sick and release (set free) the one in captivity (by paying his ransom)." (Translation of Sahih Bukhari, Food, Meals, Volume 7, Book 65, Number 286)"

Islam came to liberate all slaves and to end the Judeo-Christian and Pagan slavery that was practiced before Islam. When Allah Almighty made lawful for the Muslim men to have sex with their slave women, He did it to keep the Islamic society back then during Islam's weak, partial and venerable times under control.

Also, if any compulsion was made unto the slave woman, then Allah Almighty will add more mercy and forgiveness unto her in the Day of Judgement. Below is the commentary on this exact section and point in Noble Verse 24:33 by Minister (Sheikh) Abdullah Yusuf Ali; may Allah Almighty rest his soul:

"The poor unfortunate girls, who are victims of such a nefarious trade (i.e., slave trade), will yet find mercy from Allah, whose bounties extend to the lowest of His creatures."

When Islam was reveled to Prophet Muhammad, slavery was a worldwide common social phenomenon; it was much older than Islam. Slavery was deeply rooted in every society to the extent that it was impossible to imagine a civilized society without slaves. 

In spite of this social fact, Islam was the first religion to recognize slavery as a social illness that needed to be addressed. Since slavery was deeply rooted in the society, Islam did not abolish it at once. Rather, Islam treated slavery in the same manner it treated other social illnesses. Islam followed the same methodology of gradual elimination in dealing with this social disease as it did with other social illnesses, for example: the prohibition of alcohol in three steps. 

Concerning having slave women, we would like to let you know that it happens to be a practice necessitated by the condition in which early Muslims found themselves vis-à-vis non-Muslims, as both parties engaged in wars. Slave women or milk al-yameen are referred to in the Qur'an as “Those whom your right hand possess” or “ma malakat aymanukum”; they are those taken as captives during conquests and subsequently became slaves, or those who were descendants of slaves. 

Thus, it was a war custom in the past to take men and women as captives and then turn them into slaves. Islam did not initiate it, rather, it was something in practice long ago before the advent of Islam. And when Islam came, it tried to eradicate this practice, bit by bit. So it first restricted it to the reciprocal practice of war, in the sense that Muslims took war captives just as the enemies did with Muslims. 

But as it aimed at putting an end to such issue, Islam laid down rules which would eventually lead to eradicating the practice. So it allowed Muslims to have intercourse with slave women taken as captives of just and legitimate wars. In so doing, the woman would automatically become free if she got pregnant. What's more, her child would also become free. 

Not only that, Islam also ordered a Muslim to treat the slave woman in every respect as if she were his wife. She should be well fed, clothed and given due protection. In the family environment, she had the opportunity to learn about Islam and was free to accept it or reject it. She also had the opportunity to earn her freedom for she could be ransomed. 

In the light of the above-mentioned facts, and the nature of the question posed by people, it's clear that some people misunderstand the wisdom behind the permissibility of having female slaves and think that it is meant to unleash men’s desires and give them more enjoyment. Never! That is not the point! It is, rather, means of freeing slaves; and this is clarified above in the fact that if a master got a female slave pregnant, then he could neither sell her nor give her away as a present. And if he died, she would not be considered part of his property. She'd receive her freedom and her baby would also be free. 

But, we have to stress that this case should not be confused with that of female servants or maids, for they are free and not slaves. Therefore, it is forbidden to engage in sexual relations with them except through an Islamic marriage. 

Slavery has been abolished by international conventions, and goes in line with aims and objectives of Islam, as it has called for centuries ago. 

As for marrying slaves, it is something permissible under two conditions: first, if one is unable to pay the dowry of a free woman. Second, if there is fear of committing adultery if one doesn’t get married. This is clarified by the following verse: “And whose is not able to afford to marry free, believing women, let them marry from the believing maids whom your right hands possess. This is for him among you who feareth to commit sin. But to have patience would be better for you.” (An-Nisaa’: 25) 

This verse shows that Muslim men should abstain from illicit relations and seek enjoyment through marriage to free women or through their female slaves. 

In conclusion, Allah has forbidden certain types of behavior and permitted other kinds of behavior as a safeguard to the individual and to the society. Allah has forbidden fornication and adultery. However, in the case of captives whom your right hands posses, it's something necessitated by the special circumstances which were created when the Muslims were at war. 

This is not a practice for today which allows men to take extra sexual partners in addition to his wife, or a loophole as you put it. You have the same responsibilty to the slave girl as you would to the wife, with the same inheritence rights for the children born out of such relations hence it is more of a burden than a loophole to escape the 'treating wives equally' concept. Regardless of that, it is not a concept which is in practice today or encouraged for today. It was something specifically utilised and designed for 1500 years ago where the practice was already widespread. All Islam did was to bring structure to what was already in existence, and eventually aim to remove it all together. One may say it should be banned straight away, why the long drawn out process. 

The reality is however human nature does not allow for such action. People gradually get use to change, and the Quran itself was revealed over a long period of time for this reason so people could gradually get use to the injunctions and guidelines and thus adapt better. That is exactly the case with this issue, rules were bought in to slowly eradicate the practice and give rights to women who without Islam would have nothing equivalent to rely upon.

Source: http://islamicresponse.blogspot.in/2011/06/islam-on-slave-girlsconcubines.html

Hadith about food of Israelites and Eve’s betrayal


Many people have trouble understanding the following Hadith:
Narrated Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, "Were it not for Bani Israel, meat would not decay; and were it not for Eve, no woman would ever betray her husband." (Sahih Bukhari, Hadith 3083)
Infact the same Hadith is found in Sahih Muslim (Hadith, 2674) too. In his commentary to Sahih Muslim, Shaykh Muhammad Taqi Usmani explains this.
“Were it not for Bani Israel, meat would not decay”:
Explaining this phrase he writes;
“It means that People of Israel were the first to keep food and meat until it would go bad and get rotten and if it was not for the People of Israel who started this habit, people would not have kept food for so long till it goes bad. This is how al-Abi[1] and al-Hafiz[2] explained it in al-Fath[3]. However; it does not mean that for the people before the People of Israel food and meat never rotted even if they saved it. But the meaning in fact is that the habit of saving the food was not common before them. For the people used to eat and feed others and nothing decayed till the People of Israel came, and they kept saving it till it would get rotten.”
So the meaning actually is that these were the people of Israel who started the general practice of hoarding surplus food with them which used to rot and get wasted. Before them generally the people used to collect food only for their own selves. And when they had surplus they would share it with other people (either through charity or trade). So they were actually the people who started the general practice that lead to wasting of food.
And he then quotes the report telling us when it so happened;
“al-Aini[4] narrated from Qatadah: "the Mann and Salwa used to fall upon the People of Israel, from dawn to the sunrise, like the ice falls. So they would take from it just enough for the day except Friday, when they had to gather for it and the next day (Saturday). But if they exceeded (their need), it used to get spoiled. So their saving used to cause a food waste for them and others." (Takmilah Fath al-Mulhim, Darul Ahya al-Turath al-‘Arabi Beirut 2006 vol.1 p.140)
“Were it not for Eve, no woman would ever betray her husband”:
Shaykh Taqi Usmani writes:
“al-Hafiz (Ibn Hajr) said: It has a reference to what Eve did when she tried to seduce Adam to eat from the tree until he actually did. And since she was the mother of the daughters of Adam (all females), they in turn resembled her by birth and genes, that you can hardly find a woman that had not betrayed her husband in one shape or form. And here betrayal does not mean infidelity. Far be it! It rather refers here to the incident where Eve inclined to the desire of eating from the tree and she beautified that to Adam, it was counted as a kind of betrayal for him. But for all women who came after her, their kinds of betrayals varied in levels and forms. And what is similar to that Hadith is the Hadith that says "And Adam denied, so his descendants denied.[5]"
And in this Hadith a consolation for those men - who have been afflicted by some actions of their women - through the mention of what had happened from their great grandmother, affirming that this is one of their natural traits. So the man shouldn't excessively blame the woman who unintentionally or occasionally errs or wrongs him. And for the woman not to dwell in such a manner but to discipline herself and fight her desires. It is so in Fath al-Bari.” (Takmilah Fath al-Mulhim, vol.1 pp.139-140)
Here I must elucidate on certain points to avoid confusion.
Does this Hadith imply the blame rests on Eve alone?
Not really, because the sin was committed by both and Islam holds that both of them were basically seduced by the Devil. In fact, Islamic sources explicitly state that Devil seduced them both. In Qur’an 20: 120 it is mentioned that the Devil seduced Adam –may Allah bless him. This Hadith suggests Devil first spoke to Eve –may Allah bless her- and Qur’an (7:20) plainly says that Devil seduced them both. So, clearly the Islamic standpoint is that both of them made the mistake. The betrayal referred to in this particular Hadith is about Eve speaking to Adam –may Allah bless them both- about the forbidden tree. Eve having been deceived spoke to Adam but Devil himself also seduced Adam as clear from Qur’an 20: 120.
Why specifically mention of Eve here?
As clear from Qur’anic references cited above Devil seduced both Adam and Eve and as Qur’an says they both prayed to Allah for forgiveness after the whole thing took place. See Qur’an 7: 22-23.
However the stress about Eve here is to instruct the man not to over react when a woman makes a mistake for the same was done by his own great grandmother. This is just natural for her. See the explanation of Hafiz Ibn Hajr quoted above.
Is it about Original Sin?
Next question is if the Hadith supports the Christian doctrine of original sin?
It does not because in Islam the issue of falling from heavens was a specific incident related to two individuals and their progeny is not to bear the brunt for it. The idea is simply that capacity to err and sin is in the genes of humankind. Man and woman have the innate weakness and characteristics as such which were made evident in the lives of the first humans. Qur’an refers to this fact often;
“And man is created weak.” (4: 28)
“Surely man is created of a hasty temperament.” (70: 19)
“Truly man is, to his Lord, ungrateful; And to that (fact) he bears witness (by his deeds);” (100: 6-7)
And a Hadith substantiates it and kills the notion of Original Sin and deliverance from it through vicarious atonement;
The Prophet –may Allah bless him- said, “Every son of Adam commits sin but the best of those who sin are those who repent.” (Jami’ Tirmidhi, Hadith 2499. Classified as Hasan by Albani)
Certainly the idea of mankind as being sinful in nature, and that of a person being held responsible for the sins of his ancestors, are not even remotely related. Also the fact that it is mentioned along with the issue about the People of Israel, leads us to maintain that it is not a concept related to Christian dogma of original sin.
LET ME TURN THE TABLES
Usually some missionary haters of Islam use this narration to attack Islam, so let’s show them the mirror.
Bible asserts that only Eve was deceived and she herself gave the forbidden fruit to Adam.
“And when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, and that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree to be desired to make one wise, she took of the fruit thereof, and did eat, and gave also unto her husband with her; and he did eat.” (Genesis 3: 5-7)
This is certainly different from Qur’an which says that both of them were deceived and Qur’an makes a special reference to Devil seducing Adam. Even the Hadith is not saying what the Bible says because taking it along the Qur’anic references to the story it becomes apparent that while she did speak to Adam about eating the forbidden fruit after being deceived, Adam was seduced by Devil himself.
According to Qur’an they both erred and then together sought Allah’s forgiveness whereas Bible is too dogmatic to assert to the contrary when it says;
“And Adam was not deceived, but the woman being deceived was in the transgression.” (1-Timothy 2: 14)
As to the specific reference to Eve’s fault in the Hadith under consideration, let me reiterate that it was for a special reason to instruct men in their behavior towards women and we find that another Hadith specifically mentioning Adam to have erred.
And Bible even says that pain during child birth and man ruling over her was a punishment for Eve for what she did. (See Genesis 3:16)
All this highlights the difference between Islamic and Christian approach.
To summarize: In Islam both Adam and Eve erred and were equally responsible (Qur’an 7: 20) Adam was personally seduced by the Devil (Qur’an 20:120) whereas Bible maintains only Eve was deceived by the Devil and she made Adam to eat the forbidden fruit (Genesis 3:6) While Qur’an hold both of them responsible Bible categorically vindicates Adam and puts the blame on Eve (1-Timothy 2:14) Islam highlights their mistakes to show that it is only natural for humans to err Bible goes on to hold the subsequent generations responsible for the sin actually committed by their great grandparents (1-Corinthians 15:22)
Note: Translation of Hadith’s commentary  from Takmilah Fath al-Mulhim by sister Rabbaniya from Cairo, Egypt
Indeed Allah knows the best!

[1] Abu Abdullah Muhammad al-Washtani al-Abi al-Maliki (d. 828 A.H.) For the referred passage see his work Ikmal Ikmal al-Muallim 4/101
[2] Ahmad bin ‘Ali Ibn Hajr al-Asqalanai al-Shafi’ (d. 852 A.H.)
[3] Fath al-Bari 10/110
[4] Abu Muhammad Mahmud bin Ahmad Badruddin al-‘Ayni al-Hanafi (d. 855 A.H.). For the quote given see his ‘Umdatul Qari 15/211
[5] Abu Huraira reported that Allah’s Messenger- may Allah bless him- said: "When Allah created Adam, He wiped his back and every soul of his offspring He was to create up to the Day of Resurrection dropped from his back. He made between the eyes of everyone of them a flash of light and presented them to Adam who asked, “O Lord, who are they?” He said, “These are your offspring.” He observed a man among them and was impressed by the light between his eyes and asked, “O Lord, who is he?” He said, “He is a man among the last of the communities of your offspring who is called Dawud.” He asked, “Lord, how long a life have You given him.” He said, “Sixty years.” Adam said, ‘O Lord, add to it forty years from my life.” When Adam’s span of life came to an end, the angel of death came to him, and he asked, “Do not another forty years still remain in my life span?” He replied, “Have you not given them to your son, Dawud?” But, Adam denied and his offspring denied (like him), and Adam forgot and likewise his offspring forgot, and Adam erred, so his offspring also erred." (Jami’ Tirmidhi, Hadith 3076. Classified as Hasan by Albani)

"From a woman sin had its beginning, and because of her we all die." (Ecclesiasticus 25:24).

Does Islam equate women with animals and slaves?

Q: In a Hadith from Abu Dawud's Hadith Collection men are ordered to seek refuge from women, animals and slaves in a similar manner. Does this not degrade women?



ANS:- Such an impression is given by the notorious anti-Islamic polemic writer Abul Kasem but these insane souls forget that falsehood has no basis. We take a look of the issue here;

What he has written in his article is;

"Women are like animals and slaves.

Women, slaves and camels are same; must seek Allah's refuge from all these...(Sunaan Abu Dawud 11.2155)

Book 11, Number 2155:
Narrated Abdullah ibn Amr ibn al-'As:
The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: If one of you marries a woman or buys a slave, he should say: "O Allah, I ask Thee for the good in her, and in the disposition Thou hast given her; I take refuge in Thee from the evil in her, and in the disposition Thou hast given her." When he buys a camel, he should take hold of the top of its hump and say the same kind of thing."


MY RESPONSE

You see, every individual person, or a thing or any being has both good and bad aspects. One would always wish to seek benefit of its goods and would run away from its evils, whoever or whatever he, she or it may be.

And it is woman who enters a new household, she goes to the house of her husband. So the men are advised to ask Allah to let them receive of every good of their wives and to seek Allah's refuge from all their evils, for no-one is absolutely innocent.

A person may also get a new conveyance (for camel here stands for it) or buy a slave, as was the norm back then or some other thing like that, so for that as well, he is advised to ask Allah to let him receive of every good of that and to seek Allah's refuge from all its evils.

It is not that (May Allah forbid us) Islam is equating women and the animals, but it is for the owner of the household to seek to have every good and be protected from the evil of everyone who enters his household.
 

INDEED ALLAH KNOWS THE BEST!

Source: http://www.letmeturnthetables.com/2009/01/does-islam-equate-women-with-animals.html

Saturday, December 22, 2012

The Etiquette of Dealing with Parents and the Elderly- Yasir Qadhi


Watch here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9o0kT3h_C1Q
In Sūrat'l-Kāhf in the famous story of Khidr ('alayhi'l-salām) and his encounter with Mūsa – a story that all of you have heard and read numerous times – Khidr meets three people, and each time he meets one of them, he does something very strange.  One of the three people that he meets is a young man.  What does Khidr do when he sees this young man walking along the beach, as the riwāyāt tell us?  He kills him.  Mūsa ('alayhi'l-salām) cannot believe what he is seeing.  “Have you killed an innocent soul?  How could you have done this?  How could you have taken the life of another human being?”
Khidr of course, as you know, is doing this as a commandment from Allāh and a waḥy from Allāh.  He says to Mūsa, “I told you [that] you can't be patient with me.”   At the end of the story, what do we find out?  “As for this person that I killed, their parents were good people, and Allāh knew that if we caused this young man to grow older and mature, he would have caused much grief and hardship to his parents, so Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) wanted to take this one away and substitute with another one who will be merciful to them.”
This story tells us much, but one of the things it tells us is that one of the most painful experiences of human existence and one of the most emotionally traumatic situations that any person can find himself or herself in is to find a son or daughter who is displeasing to them and to raise a child with love and mercy and tenderness and to have this child grow up and flourish in front of their eyes, and to spend one's entire livelihood, one's savings, one's life and time and efforts on this young son or daughter and then to find this son or daughter turns around and goes against them.  This son or daughter treats them in a harsh or rude manner.  This human being, because of whom they felt motivated to live – a child motivates a parent to live – and this human being because of whom they changed their whole life plans and worked hard and struggled; someone whom they expected nothing but mercy and tenderness in response to – instead, when this child turns against the parent and treats them with contempt and arrogance, ridicule, sarcasm, the emotional trauma and distress that a parent feels is more profound than anything else.  That is why, as a mercy to righteous parents, Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) actually decided to take this ghulām away because if he were allowed to live, he would have caused distress and grief.
This is something one needs to think about.  Parents would be less distressed at the death of their child and at the nonexistence of this boy that they raised than they would if he were allowed to remain and allowed to flourish and yet he would cause them grief and harm.  This really shows us how much a parent loves a child and how important it is that the children treat their parents with that love and respect that is due to them.
Brothers and sisters, I am sure that each one of you has heard many khuṭbahs, manydurūs, many Islamic lectures about the rights that parents have and about the rights that children have to do when they treat their parents.  How can you not have heard such lectures when the Qurʾān treats the rights of parents second only to Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla).  I am sure that the verses and aḥadīth have been memorized by you.  Wallāhi, they need to be memorized and they need to be understood.  Yet, Allāh still reminds us in the Qurʾān, “Remind them even if they have heard before.  Mention it again because mentioning it again and reminding them benefits the believers.”
Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) emphasizes the rights of the parents using the strongest nouns, strongest verbs, and strongest adjectives.  He always emphasizes the rights of the parents after He emphasizes His own rights.  “Your Lord has decreed…”  This is the decree of Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) and this is the eternal decree upon which there is no other decree that will supersede it.  “…that you shall worship none except Him and that you should treat your parents with iḥsān.”
What does iḥsān mean?  Iḥsān comes from ḥusn, and ḥusn means perfection. The state ofiḥsān as defined by Al-Rāghib Al-Asbahani and many of the famous commentators of the Arabic language means that you give everything you possibly can to the other party without expecting anything back from them.  This is what the state of iḥsān is.  You give everything you can – your heart and your soul, your body and your efforts – and what do you want in return?  Absolutely nothing.  That is the state of iḥsān (perfection).  You are giving and it is a one way street.  There is nothing in return that you want back.  Why?  Because my parents have already given me far more than I can ever pay back.  My parents have already done for me much more than I can possibly do for them.  Now it is my time to try to not even repay the favor because that is never going to happen, but at least do my duty as a loyal son.
In another famous verse, Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) says, “We took a covenant with the children of Israel that they worship none except God and they treat their parents with iḥsān.” In yet another verse, Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) tells us that when your parents reach an elderly age, don't even say uff to them.  Scholars of the Arabic language tell us uff is an expression or phrase that actually doesn't have a verbal meaning.  There is no noun that it is based off of.  It is simply a sound that is uttered like when you are hurt and say “ouch.”  It is not a noun, and it is not a verb; it is simply a sound.  Uff is the slightest expression of contempt.  The Arabic scholars tell us the slightest expression of irritation and anger is uff.  When you are irritated, the slightest thing you can say is uff.  Allāh is saying, “Don't say uffto them.”  Ibn 'Abbās said, “Had there been a word lesser than uff, Allāh would have used it in this verse.”  Had there been a word lesser than uff to describe a state of exasperation or frustration, Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) would have used it here.
The meaning here is that when your parents reach that age when you have to now take care of them, they will do things that will irritate you.  They will treat you in ways that you will find troublesome.  Why?  Because you are not a child anymore; you are an adult, but for your parents, you are always going to be a child as we all know.  No matter how old you are – 40, 50, 60 – in your their eyes, and they have every right to do this, you are always their little baby.  They are going to command you and tell you this and that, and you beingmāshā'Allāh 30 or 40 or 50 or however old you are, think that khalās you are in charge.  It is very easy to lose track of the fact that when your parents are their, you are always going to be their little baby.  Allāh says, “Don't say uff to them.”
The beauty of the Qurʾān here is that Allāh does not command you with more than you can bear.  Notice Allāh doesn't say don't get angry and Allāh doesn't say don't get frustrated and Allāh doesn't say don't get emotional because that is inside the heart.  What Allāh does say is don't express that emotion externally; control it, trap it, and make sure it is not manifest to your parents.  This is the beauty of our religion.  Anybody who is dealing with elderly parents knows this first hand.  It is very difficult to take care of elderly parents.  It is very frustrating.  Allāh didn't tell you to not get frustrated.  Allāh said, “Don't express that frustration.  Don't let it manifest.  Don't let anything come that will show your parents you are frustrated.  Trap it; keep it within you.”  Outwardly, show them the respect that they deserved, even if it has to be forced.
Likewise, in the beautiful story of Luqmān ('alayhi'l-salām) when he is giving advice to his son.  “When Luqmān said to his son, 'Don't commit shirk with Allāh.  Verily shirk is the worst of all sins.”  Then Allāh said, “We are the ones who told mankind to treat his parents with kindness, iḥsān, and gentleness.”  The next verses: “Luqmān said,…Luqmān said,…Luqmān said…”  What I am trying to emphasize here is that there is a passage one page long in Sūrah Luqmān.  Every single verse begins with, “Luqmān said to his son, 'Ya bunayy…'”  There is only one verse in which Allāh speaks directly.  “We are the ones who told mankind to take care of their parents.”  It is not Luqmān telling his son, “O my son, take care of us.”  In only one of these verses Allāh removed the voice of Luqmān and spoke in His own voice.  Scholars say this is to emphasize that Luqmān when he is preaching to his son to be righteous is not doing it out of his own selfish motivation.  He is not doing it based on “I am your father, treat me like this.”  Rather, Allāh took this obligation from him and Allāh spoke on behalf of him, and Allāh said, “This is Our Commandment.  We are the ones who commanded mankind to treat their parents with gentleness and mercy.”
The Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) in numerous aḥadīth elaborated on this concept of treating parents with mercy and tenderness.  We can go on and on about this fact.  Once it is narrated he (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) entered Jannah and he heard somebody reciting the Qurʾān in a beautiful voice.  He asked Jibrīl, “Who is this person?”  He was told, “This is al-Ḥaritha b. Nu'man [a famous companion of the anṣār].”   The Prophet (ṣallallāhu'alayhi wa sallam) said, “This is what birr does to a man.  al-Ḥaritha used to be good and righteous to his mother.”  He hears Ḥaritha reading Qurʾān in Jannah, and automatically he links it to only one action: this is what righteous does; he used to be good to his mother.
You all know the story of Uways al-Qarni, and if not, we will summarize it briefly.  Uways al-Qarni was not a companion; he was a tabi'i.  He never met the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam).  The Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) told 'Umar b. Al-Khaṭṭāb, “There will come to you a man from Yemen,” and he described him in detail.  He said, “His name is Uways from the tribe of Qarn.  When he comes to you, then ask him to make du'ā' for you.”  He is asking 'Umar to ask this man he has never seen to make du'ā' for him.  Why?  He was righteous to his mother.  'Umar b. Al-Khaṭṭāb, being who he is, is told to go to this man because he was righteous to his mother.  Some books of history mention a story – Allāh knows how authentic it is, but it is mentioned in our classical sources – that Uways al-Qarni was the only son, and his father had passed away.  He was taking care of his mother in a very dutiful manner.  He asks and begs permission to go to Madīnah and meet the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam).  His mother grudgingly allows him to go but says, “You know that I need you; therefore, I only give you a day or two in Madīnah.  As soon as you get there, meet the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) and come back.”  It is said that Uways traveled from Yemen all the way to Madīnah, and when he got there, lo and behold, the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) was away on an expedition and wasn't in Madīnah.
Now he was stuck between two options.  The first was to wait a week or two and wait for the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) to return.  He has traveled from Yemen, which is already a month's journey.  If he did, he would be raised in status eternally from a tabi'i to aṣaḥābah.  The second option was to listen to his mother.  What did he choose to do?  He chose to obey his mother and give up this voluntary status.  Being a ṣaḥābi is a privilege but it is not wājib.  Listening to your mother is wājib.  According to this riwāyah, Uways al-Qarni stayed a day or two, as much as his mother had allowed him, and then he rode his mount all the way back to Yemen.  He voluntarily and willingly gave up that status in order to please his mother.
It is no surprise, therefore, that the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said what he said to 'Umar b. Al-Khaṭṭāb that “When Uways al-Qarni comes to you, ask him to make du'ā' to Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) because this is a man who used to treat his mother with righteousness and birr.”  SubḥānAllāh, this shows us that if we really want our du'ā's to be accepted, then let us treat our parents with the dignity and respect that they deserve.  If we want Allāh to bless us and if we want the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) to know who we are – Uways al-Qarni and the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) never met, but Allāh's waḥy came down and Jibrīl told him who Uways al-Qarni was.  How magnificent of a status did this man have that Jibrīl comes down to inform our Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) about this beautiful human being whose only good that we know of was he was somebody who treated his mother with birr.  That is why the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) never ceased to remind us to take care of our parents with the utmost gentleness and kindness.
In one ḥadīth, he said, “The largest door to Jannah and the middle door to Jannah that any person has are that of his parents.”  His parents are the easiest way that a person can enter Jannah.  If you treat your parents with the love and respect that they deserve, the easiest way to enter Jannah will be through that door.
In yet another ḥadīth, the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “The pleasure of Allāh is in the pleasure of the parents, and the anger of Allāh is in the anger of the parents.”  If your parents are happy with you, then even if you have other sins and other major problems, inshā'Allāh ta'āla this is a source of expiation and kaffārah for you.  Once a man came to Ibn 'Abbās and said, “O Ibn 'Abbās, I have done this and I have done that.  I have fornicated and I have drunk wine.”  He basically did every sin in the book.  “What can I do to make up for this?”  Ibn 'Abbās said, “Are your parents alive?”  He said, “My mother is alive.”  Ibn 'Abbās said, “Go and serve her because wallāhi, I know of no good deed that cleanses a man of all of his sins than servicing his parents.”
Another motif of the Sunnah, which is in at least four or five aḥadīth, we learn that even struggling in the way of Allāh and even participating in a legitimate jihād.  These days, the word “jihād” makes me a little scared.  We call it the “J-word” and are not supposed to say the word “jihād.”  The fact of the matter is, we need to overcome this trepidation and this hesitation, and we need to say very clearly that jihād is a concept of our religion and it is mentioned in the Qurʾān in hundreds of verses and in the ḥadīth dozens of times.  It is mentioned in a noble manner, and there is nothing wrong with the concept of jihād.  What is wrong is how certain Muslims have misunderstood it.  The concept of jihād remains a noble striving for the sake of Allāh.  Jihād means you strive for the sake of Allāh.  It does not mean you go and kill innocent people.  It doesn't mean you go and bomb civilians.  It doesn't mean you misinterpret your religion of Islam and do that which damages your own people more than it damages others.  The concept of jihād is a noble one.  We should not be ashamed and we should not be shy from using this word.
We need to reclaim the word with dignity and honor as we explain to others and non-Muslims the reality of this word.  What those people are doing is not jihād.  There are aspects of jihād and a concept of jihād that is a part of our tradition.
I want to talk about this motif that is mentioned in more than one ḥadīth which is helping your parents is better than doing a legitimate jihād.  This is really relevant, especially in our times when we are facing a little bit of a crisis of certain youngsters, undereducated and overzealous, who think that they will revive the glory of Islam by doing acts of ridiculousness, militancy and violence and they go overseas and participate in military expeditions in Somalia and Iraq and Afghanistan and bring about the days of Salahuddin Al-Ayubi.  For these youngsters amongst us who have been deluded by certain clerics and are being brainwashed, I say in all sincerity to them:  open up the Qurʾān and Sunnah and read some basic āyāt and aḥadīth.
A man comes to the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) and says, “Ya Rasūlullāh, I have come here to go and fight for the sake of Allāh and do jihād for the sake of Allāh, so what do you advise me?  Where should I go?”  The Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “Is your mother alive?”  He said, “Yes.”  He said, “Go and stick with her because Jannah is under her feet.”  He wants to go for jihād, and this is a legitimate jihād – not the illegitimate type that we find in our times of killing innocent people and bombing airplanes and doing things of utter and sheer stupidity which is unIslamic and downright evil and foolish.
This man says, “I've come to do jihād.”  What does the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) say?  “Is your mother alive?  Go struggle in taking care of her and struggle in maintaining the ties of kinship and ties of loyalty that your mother deserves.”
In another tradition narrated in the Musnad of imām Aḥmad, a man comes to the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) and says, “O Messenger of Allāh, I have come from a far away land [in some versions he says Yemen], and I have immigrated to Madīnah in order to be with you and do jihād behind you, and I have even left my parents crying in order to be with you.”  This is the first time he is seeing the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam).  He is trying to boast to the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) that he has done so much for the sake of jihād that he even left his mother and father crying.  The Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “Go back to them and make them laugh just like you made them cry.”  You want to do jihād?  What a joke!  You have left your parents angry at you, what kind of Muslim are you?  You want to go do jihād and your parents are crying?  You want the pleasure of Allāh by angering your parents?  You want to please Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) by displeasing your parents?  “Go back to them right now and make them laugh as you had made them cry.”
This is the real jihād, brothers and sisters.  This is what we need to tell our young, overzealous, undereducated youth.  Wallāhi it is easy to log onto a few chat forums and talk some grandiose, ultra-romanticized, utopic talks about how you are going to do this and that, but it is very difficult to listen to your mother and father.  It is very difficult to be a good son and daughter.  Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) tells us very clearly that is the real jihād.
What can we do with our parents?   In other words, what does Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) require from us?  To summarize very briefly, if one's parents are alive a number of things can be done.  First and foremost, financial rights and obligations.  No doubt, parents have financial rights over us.
Secondly, physically helping and serving them.  Taking care of their needs, giving them food and water, making food for them.  Instead of your mother going to the kitchen to get a glass of water, wallāhi this is your duty.  If you see your mother stand up to do something, you should stand up and do it for her.  The Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said to theṣaḥābi, “Go and stick to her feet…”  This is an Arabic expression and means to go and lower yourself to her and humble yourself to her.  You are literally and metaphorically a servant.  “Go and stick to her feet because Jannah is under her feet.”
Thirdly, respecting them, controlling your anger in front of them, and never showing your irritation.  Next time you feel irritated against your parents, remind yourself of the verse of Allāh:  “Don't say uff.”  Ask Allāh to help you in preventing to say that uff even if you feel it and even if you feel the anger and frustration, close it.  Withdraw and withhold that sentiment from being expressed.
Lastly, showing your love to them.  Going above and beyond the call of duty.  This is what Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) says:  “Lower unto them your wings of mercy.”
If your parents have passed away, one or both of them, then no doubt this is a great loss and a very traumatic experience.  Once it is narrated that the father of the famous companion al-Ḥarith al-Aqli passed away, and he was uncontrollably crying.  The ṣaḥābaharound him consoled him and said, “Inshā'Allāh he is in Jannah and inshā'Allāh Allāh has forgiven him.”  He said to them, “Do you think that I am crying because he has passed on? Wallāhi I am sad that he has passed on, but that is not why I am crying.  I am crying because my main door to Jannah has now been taken away from me.  This is how I wanted to get to Jannah.”
The father of another ṣaḥābi died and he said, “For one year after he died, every time I raised my hands I could not think of any du'ā' except for him.  All I could think of was to make du'ā' for him.”
After a parent dies and moves on to the next life, still a lot can be done.  First and foremost, as the ṣaḥābi said, seek forgiveness for them and ask Allāh to forgive them and raise their ranks for them.  Make du'ā' for them.  Secondly, make sure that their wishes, requests, and wills were fulfilled.  Make sure that anything they wanted done is executed on their behalf.  Thirdly, give ṣadaqah.  Give money and say, “O Allāh, reward my mother for this ten, twenty, thirty dollars.”  Give regularly – every week, every month.  Give something on their behalf and say, “O Allāh, give this reward to my mother and father.”  Sacrifice an animal, mentioning Allāh's Name and giving it to the poor and saying, “O Allāh, reward my mother for feeding the poor.”
Also, make Ḥajj and 'Umrah for them.  Making Ḥajj and 'Umrah is one of the greatest and most noble acts that you can do as a son or a daughter as long as you have done Ḥajj and 'Umrah.  When you put on ihram, “Labbayk on behalf of my mother” or “Labbayk on behalf of my father.”  Then, each and every penny, minute and toil and circumstance that you face, Allāh will reward your mother, and you will be rewarded as a righteous son for doing this for your mother.
Also, the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said one of the ways we can show respect to the parents and to fulfill their rights after they have moved on is – and this is something hardly anybody does – meet the friends and relatives of our parents who we would not have met otherwise.  In other words, our parents have their circle of friends, and because they were alive, we would also go to those friends and distant relatives.  When they have moved on, we have no reason to communicate with them.  We have nothing much in common.  The only thing we have in common is our parents.  The Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “A part of being a good son and a good daughter is that after your parents have moved on, go to those relatives and family members and acquaintances and friends for the sake of your parents.”
Some scholars have derived the wisdom behind this, and they say one of the wisdoms is that when you go to these people, and of course they will be of a different age and generation than you, you don't have much in common except one thing:  your mother, your father.  What will the topic of discussion be?  Your mother or your father.  What do you think will happen when this person reminds you of how they interacted and what your mother did?  How will you feel after that?  You will feel so much love and tenderness and want to go home and give ṣadaqah on her behalf and make du'ā' for her.  That love will be rejuvenated and revived.  Therefore, by visiting the friends and relatives of our deceased parents, the love of our parents is once again rekindled within us.  This is one of the wisdoms some of the scholars derived from this particular legacy of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam).
Let me conclude by quoting a very interesting and beautiful tradition that is reported from the famous companion Ibn 'Abbās (raḍyAllāhu 'anha).  It is narrated that once a man was doing ṭawāf around the Ka'bah and had his mother on his back.  He saw Ibn 'Abbās in the distance, so he came running over to him and said, “O Ibn 'Abbās, this elderly lady on my back is my mother.  She has been asking to come for Ḥajj for as long as I can remember.  She has always wanted to go for Ḥajj, and I could not afford to buy an animal to bring her, so this year I decided to carry her on my back and do Ḥajj with her on my back.  Have I now fulfilled the rights of a son to his mother?”  Ibn 'Abbās smiled and he said, “You have done good, but you have not even done a fraction of what you should.”  In other words: “Alḥamdulillāh, you are a good son, but don't come and tell me 'Have I fulfilled the rights of my mother?'”
The man said, “O Ibn 'Abbās, I have come from the city of so-and-so [me mentioned a far-away city] carrying my mother on my back, and you are telling me I haven't done even a fraction?”  Ibn 'Abbās said one thing, and wallāhi this shows their understanding of human psychology and human nature.  The ṣaḥābah are at a different level than us completely.  Ibn Abbās said, “You haven't done a fraction of what your mother did to you because when your mother took care of you and did everything that she did for you, her goal was to give you life.  She did it out of love and to see you flourish.  She did it genuinely for your own nourishment and flourishing.  Now when you are paying her back, you are doing it as a duty and burden.  You are doing it out of a sense of guilt and duty, and you are waiting for the day that she dies.  You are not wanting to see her flourish and live.  You are simply doing it as a dutiful son.  You don't have the same genuine, selfless love that your parents had for you when they did what they did.”
Simply one psychological statement:  your parents did for you everything to see you live and flourish.  When you become old and they are now the ones being taken care of, you are not doing it in the same philosophy.  You are doing it as a burden and to pay back.  How can you compare the two?  One is selfless love and the other a sense of gratitude and duty.  How can you possibly compare?
Brothers and sisters, parents are the best blessing that Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) has given us after īmān.  Parents are the largest door to Jannah and the easiest way to get to Jannah.  In the famous ḥadīth of the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam), and with thisḥadīth we will conclude, as he is climbing the steps of the minbar in front of hundreds of thousands of ṣaḥābah and each time he climbs, he says, “AmīnAmīnAmīn!”  Then he turns around and says, “I will explain to you why I said, 'Amīn.'  Jibrīl came to me and he told me three things.  Every time he told me one thing, he said, 'Say, “Amīn,”' so I said, 'Amīn.'  The last one that he said was, 'O Muḥammad (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam), any person of your ummah who manages to catch a parent [in other words: whose parents live to old age] and they still are not capable of having their sins forgiven and entering Jannah [in other words, if Allāh blesses you with an elderly parent and you still cannot earn Allāh's Pleasure] then may that person perish.”
In other words, if you have elderly parents and you are not able to earn Allāh's Pleasure through them, you will not earn it through any other means.  “Say 'Amīn,' ya Rasūlullāh.”  So the Prophet (ṣallallāhu 'alayhi wa sallam) said, “Amīn.”
Brothers and sisters, simple point.  Bottom line.  If your parents are alive, the only way to be a pleasing servant to Allāh and the only way to be a good Muslim is to have your parents love you.  If your parents are angry with you or if your parents are not happy with you and you are not trying to change that situation, it doesn't matter what you do in the Eyes of Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla).  The parents have ultimate priority in this world.
May Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) allow us to be righteous servants.  May Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) allow us to be dutiful and loving sons and daughters.  May He give us the patience and the īmān and the tawfīq to take care of our parents the way that they deserve and the way that Allāh (subḥānahu wa ta'āla) has commanded from us.  May He allow us to live as Muslims, to die as Muslims, and to be resurrected as Muslims.
Source: http://muslimmatters.org/2011/12/09/yasir-qadhi-the-etiquette-of-dealing-with-parents-and-the-elderly/