Famous Showbiz Actress & Model turns to Islam

Sara Chaudhry was a household name in the Pakistani show business industry until her sudden departure from her acting career. The reason she gave up her career as a television actress and model was her repentance as a result of reverting to her faith, Islam, similar to the decision recently taken by Pakistani ex-musician Shiraz Uppal.

Here she gives an exclusive interview to MuslimMatters:

[Sadaf Farooqi]:  Can you please tell us how and when you joined the Pakistani show business industry?

[Sara Chaudhry]:  I joined it in 2001. When I was 14 years old, my father's friend offered me an opportunity. I accepted because I always liked showbiz and I also wanted to financially help my parents; I wanted to be the son they never had.

[Sadaf]:  How did you feel working in this industry especially after you became successful and famous?

[Sara]:  It was not bad as all. I kept busy with my work. My jobs didn't require many social appearances—just some awards functions. I always treated it as a job, except that I worked long hours. I got to know some good people, some of them are still in touch and good friends. There were both good and bad times. It was quite tiring compared to any other good job. I had to work in various conditions, sometimes in the summers without electricity, air conditioning, sweating from head to toe. There were days when I worked through the nights, sometimes working continuously for 3 days without sleeping or just few hours sleep. And, of course, there was a healthy dose of backbiting, gossiping, and lying.  It did have some perks, being famous did help at times, but mostly it was difficult.  I had virtually no personal life; I wasn't able to go out with family freely and missed family functions. As a result it affected my relationship with my relatives. I lost touch with some relatives as well as good friends too because of my inability to spend time with the people I cared about.

[Sadaf]:  Young girls usually admire and look up to glamorously portrayed women in the media. Is the life of glitz and glamour really what it appears to be?

[Sara]:  Not really, you might have noticed that many film and drama makers have made films and dramas whose themes are based girls who chased fame, and most often, these characters end up involved in things like drugs, or commit suicide or murder; they end up in really dark, depressing places. Granted, fame does give you money, and a little bit of happiness and enjoyment, but at the same time there is a negative side to the business that should not be overlooked. Many people involved in this profession struggle with all kinds of pain, both mental and physical such as, migraines, backaches, insomnia, and depression to name a few. To top it all off, your life is not private anymore; even if you sneeze it's in the newspaper!

[Sadaf]:  What was the first step in your journey of relinquishing showbiz?

[Sara]:  I come from an average practicing Muslim family. Our deen (way of life) was limited to praying five times a day, hosting mehfil-e-milaad's (celebrations held during the month of Rabī' al-Awwal to praise Prophet Muḥammad , and giving charity. Despite that, I always felt something was lacking, and finally I began searching for answers in the seerah of Nabi . I reflected on the ways in which Ummuhat ul mu'mineen (the wives of the Prophet  are known as the 'mothers of the believers') lived and conducted themselves, and I felt that I stood nowhere near them. That's how and when the change started, and I decided to end my career. It wasn't easy; many people called me a hypocrite and, they claimed that I would soon come back to “normal.” No one but Allāh gave me istiqamah (steadfastness). Alḥamdulillāh, it was Allāh who helped me in every way.

It was through my experiences and study of Islam that I learned that the hijab is a sign of modesty, a sign of respect. I learned that we shouldn't judge people just because they cover their faces. I realized how wrong it is to assume thing about people before we meet them, and we shouldn't judge the virtues of Islam through a cultural lens.

[Sadaf]:  Did you face opposition from family for your decision to leave the industry and start hijab?

[Sara]:  Yes, a little bit. My family is religious, but unfortunately they are not practicing Muslims in that sense that they don't read the Qur'an with tarjuma (translation) and tafsīr(interpretation) in order to understand what is written and commanded. In short, many of us (Muslims by birth) are only recognizable as Muslims from our names; our clothes, lifestyles, and actions suggest something else entirely. Only a few people actually practice Islam, and even they face criticism in their own country than Muslims do in the West.

[Sadaf]:  How did you face and react to this opposition? 

[Sara]:  I just kept praying to Allāh, and alḥamdulillāh He gave me the strength and determination to remain firm in my decision.

[Sadaf]:  Many people presume that the life of a veiled Muslim woman is restricted and dull. How do you feel about this? Please briefly compare your feelings about your life as a celebrity and your life now, behind the veil.

[Sara]:  Really, is that so? I was not aware of that. Now that it has been brought to my attention, I might start noticing if that is really the case. Currently, I am studying  and running a business with my husband's help, I am surrounded by family and friends. Alḥamdulillāh, I feel so secure and respected—no longer a showpiece. And people don't soothe their eyes on me; I am the coolness to my husband's eyes only, alḥamdulillāh. As for comparing them both, I was happy before, but there was always something missing. There was always a sad part in life, my worries for the world which were never-ending; some new issue daily. I used to get irritated a bit at times that men were looking at me as if I was a piece of meat. Now,alḥamdulillāh, I feel peace, the only thing I am worried about is my akhirah. My goal is Jannah, inshā'Allāh.  I always used to worry about something going wrong; how we would deal with a difficult situation, but now alḥamdulillāh, I recognize that Allāh is Al-Razzāq, The Provider. I'm no longer concerned with how much money I have, I am no longer afraid to face tomorrow.

[Sadaf]:  Please comment on the role your husband has played in your journey towards Islam, and give us your opinion about what makes a Muslim husband-wife bond more strong and supportive. What, in your opinion, should a husband and wife do or not do that can help them remain close, and become pillars of support for each other in deen?

[Sara]:  My husband has been a blessing for me, and I have been the same for him. Allāhmade us a source of hidayah for each other.

My husband has stood strong by me, supported me when many people turned against me. We spend a year by ourselves in order to relax . He motivated me to study and become a source of inspiration for others. Alḥamdulillāh, he has always encouraged me to be active in something (within the limits of Islam) rather than being idle. He would always encourage me to try different things. He reassured me, telling me that I am talented. He told me that he did not want me to waste my abilities. He never held me back. Even though my first duty is toAllāh, and then him and our future kids, inshā'Allāh (whenever Allāh wills), my husband motivated me to pursue my own goals and interests.

Our ideal is Prophet Muḥammad's  married life. He is the best example.  First and foremost, we respect one another. We also try to fulfill our obligations to each other as husband and wife while recognizing our rights. Along with being spouses, we are friends tooalḥamdulillāh.

A wife should be sensible; she should have knowledge of the world as well as buisness literacy. For examples, my husband he shares his work with me and even asks me for suggestions. Like any couple, we play games, we fight too, but we always make up. A husband and wife should be a complete package for the one another. They should know how to change their roles when needed.  They should be partners and friends, and whatever else may be required for each other. They should be true to each other; the more true and faithful you are to your better half the more peaceful your life will be inshā'Allāh.

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We are extremely grateful to Sara for granting us this opportunity to publish her story here on MuslimMatters, and hope that it will be a source of inspiration in the future for countless people in the global blogosphere, inshā'Allāh.

For those of our readers who can understand Urdu and Hindi, we'd like to share the speech Sara gave at SIST in 2012, talking about her journey towards Allāh after her marriage:

Sara Chaudhry's speech

"Islam gives man permission to marry four wives. Why can't a woman have four husbands?

Question: "Islam gives man permission to marry four wives. Why can't a woman have four husbands?"

Qur'an is the only religious book, on the face of this earth, that contains the phrase 'MARRY ONLY ONE'. There is no other religious book that instructs men to have only one wife. In none of the religious scriptures like the Vedas, the Ramayan, the Mahabharat, the Geeta or the Bible does one find a r

estriction on the number of wives. According to these scriptures one can marry as many as one wishes. It was only later, that the Hindu priests and the Christian Church restricted the number of wives to one.

Many Hindu religious personalities, according to their scriptures, had multiple wives. King Dashrat, the father of Rama, had more than one wife. Krishna had several wives. In earlier times, Christian men were permitted as many wives as they wished, since the Bible puts no restriction on the number of wives. It was only a couple of centuries ago that the Church restricted the number of wives to one.

Polygyny is permitted in Judaism. According to Talmudic law, Abraham had 2 wives, and Solomon had hundreds of wives. The practice of polygyny continued till Rabbi Gershom ben Yehudah. (960 A.D to 1030 A.D) issued an edict against it. The Jewish Sephardic communities living in Muslim countries continued the practice till as late as 1950, when an Act of the chief Rabbinate of Israel extended the ban on marrying more than one wife.

❂ Conditions 1,400 Years Ago ❂
Now let us do some basic research here. We begin by looking into the condition of the women in various societies at the time 1,400 years ago when Allah revealed the Quran to Muhammad, peace be upon him.

❂ Pagan Arabs - Burying Girls Alive ❂
During that time the pagan Arab men used to bury their newborn daughters alive in the sand, out of shame for having something so low and disgusting like a girl instead of a son. Women were treated horribly and with utter disgust.

Men could marry as many as they liked and very often they owned women like cattle or sheep. There were no laws to protect the women and they had no rights at all.

❂ Christians - Arguing If Women Had Souls ❂
Christians at that time were holding council meetings to determine whether or not a woman even had a soul. The church blamed "Eve" the mother of all humans after Adam, peace be upon him, for the "original sin" and damned her and her seed for what she had done.

❂ Priests - Best Men - Forbidden Marriage ❂
Priests, bishops, cardnels and even the Pope are the very best of the Catholic men within the church. Yet the church still forbids their clergymen the chance for marriage and families. This unnatural situation has caused very serious ramifications throughout the society around the world.

❂ Nuns - Best Women - No Marriage - No Children ❂
Nuns are the very best of the Catholic women. They cover themselves in proper attire much the same way as the Muslim women. Yet, they are never allowed to marry or have children throughout their lives. This unnatural condition has caused untold number of disgraceful and disgusting practices within the very church itself.

❂ If Only Bad People Have Children - What About Tomorrow? ❂
We must ask the question, "If the very best of the men and the very best of the women are not allowed to marry or have children - does this mean only the worst of the people are the ones allowed to reproduce and populate the world?" - And where will that leave us tomorrow?

❂ Jews - Blame Women and Curse Women ❂
The Jews blamed women for the "original sin" and as such they were treated with disgust. A woman's monthly cycle was considered by the Old Testament of the Bible to be a "curse from God" for her inequities. Her child bearing pains were also a 'punishment from God' for her bringing man down from heaven.

❂ Islam - No Blame On Women For Evil ❂
Islam does not blame Eve for Adam's sin. Each of them accepted their own mistake and repented to Allah, and asked Allah to forgive them and Allah did forgive them.

Now before going any further, please read surah An Nisa (chapter 4 in the Quran) - all the way through, in order to better understand what is actually being said about women, men and marriage.

[Read Quran Online here -http://quranexplorer.com/Quran/Default.aspx ]

❂ Read Quran ❂
Now let us think about the verses. Do you believe that the Almighty Knows what He created and He has revealed the perfect way of life? Do you know the condition of the people at the time the order came to restrict the number of wives? (Restricted to be only four)

Now read the verse about having more than one wife, very carefully. [4:3]

What does it say? And what do you understand from it?

Now read the ayah (verse) that forbids men to marry women who are already married. [4:24].

Now read from An Nisa (Chapter 4) about the role of men and women. [4:34]

❂ Man Supports And Protects Women ❂
Do you understand that one must take on the role of supporter, protector, provider, custodian and servant to the family (man's role)?

❂ Woman Gives Birth - Raises Children❂
One must take on the role of carrying the children of the husband and delivering them and then feeding them and raising them to become the true servants of the Almighty. How practical would it be for a woman to look after 4 different houses and do the above duties for the children of four different husbands?

❂ Not Equal - But Treated Fairly In Justice ❂
Men and women are not the same nor are they "equal" as some folks would have us believe. Whatever is on one side of an 'equals' sign must be exactly the same as what is on the other side without any difference in value, only in the way that it is expressed. How then could we say that a man, who is unable to conceive or give birth and then breast feed a baby is the equal to a woman who can?

❂ Equal In Faith And Actions ❂
They are equal in their beliefs and good deeds of course. But still they are not the same as each other. Each one must fulfill their role as humans.

❂ Children's Rights Protected ❂
Islam is also very much about rights. Children also have rights in Islam. When a man dies his wealth is left to his family. How could the court know who to give the wealth of a man, if he was one of several husbands to a woman? How would a child know who his father was? No society ever supported the concept of a woman being married to two or more men at the same time. It's true that recent advances in science have made it possible for both the mother and father to be identified with the help of genetic testing. Thus this point which was applicable for the past may not be applicable for the present, but remember that the religion of the Almighty is for all times.

❂ Women's Right - Best Treatment ❂
Every religion supports the concept of a man having more than one woman. Yet, they did not limit the number nor did they provide the protection and maintenance that Islam insists on for each one. Islam came to set things straight. Women were given rights. Men were strictly ordered to treat their women with the very best of treatment.

❂ Limit - Number in Marriage ❂
When the verse was revealed the companions of Muhammad, peace be upon him, did not run out with the attitude that they were going to get four wives all of a sudden. Some of them already had much more than that and these men had to divorce their wives, if they had more than four. So this was not an order to go out and get four wives. It was an order to begin limitations. And the first limitation was; No more than four.

❂ Limit - Equal Maintenance and Treatment ❂
Second, the limitation of equal treatment for all of them. How could a man keep more than one wife unless he was exceedingly wealthy and/or exceedingly strong and virile?

Next, the limitation very clearly states; ".. but if you fear that you shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one ..."

❂ Muslims Today - Most Monogamous ❂
Step by step, the men of Islam have come to be known today as the most monogamous of all men on earth (we only have one wife). Check for yourself and see. In the majority of all the Muslim homes on earth, a man gets married once, to one woman and then he stays married to her until the death of either himself or his wife.

❂ Woman's Right To Choose Any Husband She Likes -
Even If He Is Already Married ❂
One very important point that is often overlooked by modern society is the right that Islam gave to the women that it does not give to the man. A man is limited to marry only from the woman who is not already married. Obviously, this provides rights for the children and provides for them from inheritance from the father. But Islam also permits the women to marry a man who is already married to protect her in a society where the number of women outnumbers the population of men. Additionally, the woman has a large selection of men to choose from. In fact, she has the right to choose from any man in the community as long as he does not already have four wives. She also has the opportunity to see how the other wife was being treated and go into a marriage knowing exactly what to expect from her husband. After all, he must treat her in the same way as he is treating the other wife.

❂ Women Need Husbands - Allah Provided the Answer❂
The prophet, peace be upon him, predicted that in the Last Days the women would outnumber the men to a great extent. Today we are seeing this become a reality all over the world. By nature males and females are born in approximately the same ratio. During paediatric age however, in childhood itself a female child has more immunity than a male child. A female child can fight the germs and diseases better than the male child. For this reason, there are more deaths among males as compared to the females during paediatric age.

During wars, there are more men killed as compared to women. More men die due to accidents and diseases than women. The average life span of females is more than that of males, and at any given time one finds more widows in the world than widowers.

❂ Women's Right to Vote - 1,400 Years Ago ❂
We might add that Islam also gave the women full status as citizens over 1,400 years ago by giving her to right to speak and vote the same as anyone else. American women had to take their cause to the streets with "Women's Suffrage" and were not granted the right to vote until just ninety years ago.

❂ Women Keep Their Identity - And Their Names ❂
Additionally, Islam protected women's rights to keep their identity and they were not considered property of some man. As such, they were no longer forced to change their last names to be that of their husbands. This is still the practice of Muslim women today just as it was fourteen hundred years ago.

❂ Women Keep Their Property And Earnings - Men Must Share ❂
Yet, at the same time the western society is so concerned about the way Islam demands that a couple be married, the man actually must work instead of the woman; the woman owns her own property without giving anything for the support of the house or the child; a child has the right to his or her own mother raising them instead of a baby sitter or day care; father must support his children; divorce is hated; and marriage is sanctified.

❂ West Can't Tolerate Man And Woman - In Marriage ❂
It is strange isn't it, a society like America, has no problem accepting sex without marriage; homosexuality; same sex marriages; sex without responsibility; children without fathers; and divorces are more common place than the measles or chicken pox. Yet, there is no tolerance for marriage between a man and a woman if it is not on their terms.

In Western society it is common for a MAN TO HAVE ONE WIFE BUT MANY GIRL-FRIENDS and extra-marital affairs, in which case, the woman leads a disgraceful, unprotected life. The same society, however, cannot accept a man having more than one wife, in which women retain their honourable, dignified position in society and lead a protected life.

❂ What Needs to Be Re-evaluated?❂
Compare the two for yourself and see which one needs correction.


[-By Yusuf Estes and Dr. Zakir Naik]

Picking up the Pieces: The Love-Drug Syndrome and Dealing With Lost Love

Love is a powerful, compelling emotion. It can make you laugh and it can make you cry. It can lift you up to the clouds and it can hurl you into an abyss. One of the dilemmas Muslims face, especially Muslim sisters, is the situation in which they get to know a prospective spouse and for some reason it does not work out.

This article is not discussing the fiqh behind getting to know your prospective spouse, as it is common for a couple to have a few “halaal” meetings and still fall deeply in love. Rather, this article deals with how to get over someone and moving on after the falling in love stage. After you have decided that this person is the one for you and then due to circumstances - be it parents, finances, etc., the two of you cannot get married. Insha Allāhthis article will be a guide on how to get over that person and move on with your life.

Step 1: Accepting Allāh's Qadr

This has got to be one of the toughest tests of qadr. Love muddles your mind and when all you see are the good characteristics of someone it is difficult to see why it is not working out, especially if this is your first real love. How can this brother who is practicing his deen, has a nice beard, soft and caring be wrong for me? How can this sister who is attractive, fun and religious not be my perfect partner?

The key concept to remember here is: you do not know someone until you have lived with them for a substantial time. Even that person does not know what they are like and how they will react in certain situations. Just because you have these elated feelings of love does not necessarily mean this is the right person. Marriage is a struggle and people develop themselves and change with the experience. Only Allāh knows your compatibility, only Allāhknows what situations you will face and your reactions. Only Allāh knows whether or not this marriage will bring you closer to Him or distract you from the real purpose in life. It is onlyAllāh who knows. Have trust in Allāh that He has made the right choice for you. For no matter how much this person claims their love for you or vice versa, know that no one can love you as much as Allāh.

So firstly, make du‘ā’ to Allāh to ease your pain and help you be content with His qadr. The following is my favorite Hadith regarding qadr as it really fills you with the awe of Allāh and His infinite wisdom.

“Allāh `azza wa jall said: ‘Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by being inflicted with poverty, and were I to enrich him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by wealth and affluence, and were I to deprive him, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by good health, and were I to make him sick, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he whose faith cannot be rectified except by disease and illness, and were I to make him healthy, it would surely corrupt him. Verily, from amongst My slaves is he who seeks worship by a certain act but I prevent that from him so that self-amazement does not enter his heart. Certainly, I run the affairs of My slaves by My Knowledge of what is in their hearts. Certainly, I am the All-Knower, All-Aware'.” [Tabarani]

Step 2: Awareness of the love-drug syndrome
An interesting study was conducted comparing drug users to people who claimed to be “madly in love”. They found that brain scans showed people who are in the first stages of love and people who are high on cocaine have the same areas of the brain stimulated while looking at a picture of their “beloved”. In other words, being in the first stage of love is similar to being high on drugs! With drugs, you are not in love with the powder itself – you are in love with the feelings that it gives you.

Similarly, the thing that we love is the special attention, the butterflies in the stomach, the acknowledgment that someone cares about us in a special way, looks at us in a special way, thinks about us in a special way – the constant day dreaming about the future and daily scenarios. So it is not that this person is perfect, it is that this person allows us to feel all these emotions which are addictive. In reality we are not in love with the person, we are in love with Love itself.

Being in love with Love explains how some people overlook major faults in their prospective spouse. I knew a practicing sister who wanted to marry someone who had a drug and alcohol problem. This was because in both cases these “faults” were discovered during the first butterfly phase of love and not before. Alhamdulilah, by the qadr of Allāh the marriage did not take place, but it was due to circumstances, not because the sister had realised that they were not a suited match.

Awareness of this love-drug syndrome has two major benefits. Firstly, awareness is power and it breeds hope. Once you are aware that it is the feelings you are attached to, realise you can actually get them elsewhere. 

These feelings are not specific to this one person; you will get these feelings with your new, more suitable prospective partner – the one that Allāh will put into your life at the right time insha Allāh. Love clouds your mind and makes you think that you will not find this strong love and passion with anyone else. But this is simply not true. You will find this love to be even stronger and more passionate with the right person (the one that is written for you in the Lahw al Mahfooz).

The second benefit is knowing that just like a drug-user naturally has withdrawal symptoms when they stop, you too will naturally have withdrawal symptoms, and it will be difficult. Getting over someone is emotionally painful so don\'t be too hard on yourself, validate your feelings and allow yourself time to heal. Know that this is common – nearly everyone goes through heartache at some point in their lives, and eventually recover with time.

As a side point: It is not a sin to fall in love; it is a natural emotion which the human species depends on! If you did sin in the process then repent to Allāh, He is the Most Forgiving, Most Merciful. Love is a powerful emotion, which is why there are boundaries in Islam. If you have fallen outside those boundaries, repent and move on.

Step 3: Be proactive

Allow yourself time but also get proactive! Marriage is just one of the many aspects of your life; it is not the be all and end all of things. What are your aspirations? What do you want to achieve in your life? Write down a list of goals you want to achieve by the end of the month and get started on them right away. As Muslims, our continuous goal is striving to get closer to Allāh, so working on your īmān and your relationship with Allāh must be included in some way. Focus your attention on moving forward rather than wasting time with something that “could have been”.

Step 4: Move on

In the spirit of being proactive, the last stage is to actively open your heart and mind to someone else. This could be difficult, as naturally comparisons will creep in, but again realise the fact that it has not worked out means that Allāh has someone better suited for you. As illustrated in the famous Hadith of the birds:

“If you depend on Allāh with due reliance, He would certainly give you provision as He gives it the birds who go forth hungry in the morning and return with a full belly at dusk.”[Tirmidhi]

Allāh will provide for you but you have to get up and get moving again. Just like the birds, go out and seek. Make the effort on your part and leave the rest to Allāh and His infinite wisdom.

Source: http://muslimmatters.org/2011/01/25/picking-up-the-pieces-how-to-deal-with-lost-love/